On changing one's name

[ThistleDown]

I'll just note that I did exactly that, without any hyphen, in order to acknowledge my mother and her side of the family along with my father and his side. And that was very, very easy to do ... although some forms are set up to recognize only one "middle" name or initial at most, in which case I end up going with first name and (my father's) surname - that is the one downside, but perhaps a notable one in your situation.

It's not actually a Scottish tradition to hyphenate surnames. I stand to be corrected (please) but I think that hyphenating surnames creates a new name. So Mr Sporran and Miss Purse marry and name themselves Mr and Mrs Sporran-Purse, thereby creating an entirely new and different surname, Sporran-Purse. In Scotland; I've no knowledge of the laws in the US.

I have a dear friend, however, whose uncle was the last in the male line of a landed family. My friend chose to dispense with his father's surname and replace it with his mother's (i.e., his uncle's). This was a relatively simple process in the US as I understand it. His uncle then named him as his successor and my friend has since been recognised by Lord Lyon with the territorial designation.

[Ancienne Alliance]

It's not actually a Scottish tradition to hyphenate surnames. I stand to be corrected (please) but I think that hyphenating surnames creates a new name. So Mr Sporran and Miss Purse marry and name themselves Mr and Mrs Sporran-Purse, thereby creating an entirely new and different surname, Sporran-Purse. In Scotland; I've no knowledge of the laws in the US.
.

Not wanting to high-jack this thread I would like to add that for ceremonial purposes like Clan certificates or brevets, etc. , I sometime use the full name version my ancestors bore. That makes it :
Robert Amyot de Villeneuve-Lincourt



Best,

Robert

[Chas]

In the UK there is neither shame nor honour attached to changing one's surname. It used to happen on a regular basis if there was an inheritance in the balance. Money, land or title. There is an accepted set of words that is included in a last will and testament called a 'Name and Arms Clause'. Many people grew up knowing that at the age of 21 (originally 25) they would have to choose; the name they were born with or the name that comes with title or land or wealth. The changing of surnames in the UK was so common at one time that there was a whole department set up in the Home Office (which still exists) just to deal with the titles and territorial designations. Even the King changed his surname from Saxe-Coburg and Gotha to Windsor!

It doesn't matter what your reasons are. Life is too short to be unhappy. If it will bring you peace and contentment - do it.

Regards

Chas

[Riverkilt]

Boy, do I ever identify with you.

First, I didn't get to choose my name - it was issued to me by someone else.

And...I didn't get my own name, I got someone else's. I'm a junior.

Then in 1968 Ronald McDonald the clown was created to sell hamburgers and having the name Ronald Macdonald, Jr. became a nightmare of teasing and crank phone calls.

Then in 1978 my father died and I at least had the name to myself.

Seriously considered changing my name...and considered....and considered...and created a selection of names to adopt. Here in Arizona its only $15 and a simple court process to change your name if there's no malice intended.

Main reason for putting it off was not wanting to seperate from my Macdonald heritage. And as a genealogy buff would imagine the problems it might create for future generations. And was too stubborn to let some ad man force me into a name change just because he invented a clown with a name so similar to mine.

While I continued to consider changing my name I continued to age.
Now at 65 it seems like - what's the point.

So, my suggestion is make your decision soon so it doesn't drift away from you like it did for me.

[MacBean]

Ronald is a lovely name. So is Macdonald.

[St. Amish]

I don't know the exact circumstances of your situation, but I have an idea. My father was not a good man. I thought about changing my name in the 90's. Three things stopped me from doing it.

1. You're not just divorcing your father, but generations of family on his side.
2. Name changes don't look good on credit reports or background checks.
3. When a man changes his name, he ends up having to explain it to everybody he ever knew. While your intention may have been to distance yourself from the past, now you have to rehash it again and again.

I ended up keeping my father's name. Do what feels right and necessary for you.

[Lyle1]

It seems that you've thought it through and know what you want. I would only make two suggestions. If you care about your relationship with your brothers, tell them what you plan to do before you do it. You don't need their approval, but it would be a nice gesture. Also, when surprised, people often react negatively to something that they would look on favorably if it where explained to them before hand. In your professional life, you might use both your father's surname and your new surname together for awhile, until people make the connection, then you can drop your father's name altogether. You might use "Tobus Kilpatrick Nee Englishname" on your typed signature line, the sign it "Tobus Kilpatrick" Don't forget to change your Social Security records. My grandmother was widowed and worked under married name in the 1920-30's. When she remarried in 1939, she quit working. When her second husband died in the 1980's, her survivor benefit was delayed while she dealt with changing her records.

[Peregrine]

It seems like you're doing it for the right reasons, that is for yourself, and to honor your mother's family. So if it's what you want and you're willing to undergo the hassle and expense, go for it.

For better or worse we often make much of your names, but in the end it's just that... a name. You are who you are, and your ancestors where who they where. Call yourself what you like and don't worry to much about what others think.

[Tobus]

Lots of good advice in this thread. Thank you. I had no idea that it was as common for a man to change his name as it is.

1. You're not just divorcing your father, but generations of family on his side.

That's a fair point. The thing is, I don't know any of my father's family except his sister (my aunt). I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've spoken to her in my life. And both his parents are dead. So it's not like I have much of a family connection there, or a group of people who would be upset. There's really no family there to 'divorce'.

2. Name changes don't look good on credit reports or background checks.

Another valid point. I have extremely good credit and try very hard to keep it that way. I'll check into it and see if there's some kind of industry standard on how it affects credit (i.e. does it drop a credit score by X number of points). Thankfully, with background checks, I really don't have to worry about that. The only reason I'd be submitting to one is for firearms purchases, but having a CHL exempts me from that requirement. And hopefully any other reason I might have for a background check, it would only possibly delay the result. Not disqualify me from anything (although I can't imagine that I'd want to be doing anything that requires one).

3. When a man changes his name, he ends up having to explain it to everybody he ever knew. While your intention may have been to distance yourself from the past, now you have to rehash it again and again.

This is the one that I sort of dread. Everyone will undoubtedly want to know why I changed my name. And while I have no problems explaining it to the people in my life who are important, there are a lot of people for whom it's simply none of their business. They don't need to know anything about my family situation. I'll just have to prepare a brief standard reply that isn't rude but basically relays to them that it's personal. And that it's carrying on a family name that was at its end.

If you care about your relationship with your brothers, tell them what you plan to do before you do it. You don't need their approval, but it would be a nice gesture. Also, when surprised, people often react negatively to something that they would look on favorably if it where explained to them before hand.

I've been debating on whether to do that or not. I called my mother this morning to talk to her about this and get her opinion. Knowing how judgmental my brothers can sometimes be (isn't that what brothers are for?), it might be best to just let them know afterward so that there's no room for debate on the subject; it will be over and done with already. My mother and I are on the same page as to how to respond to them about it. Mainly focusing on the angle that this carries on the Kilpatrick name and honors my grandfather (who was our de facto father figure when we were growing up), which is surely something that they would understand. They loved and respected him too. I think whatever anger or shock they feel at first would be mitigated by the sentiment of honoring him.

Anyway, one other dilemma I've been having is this: I am a twin. My father is a "junior" and wanted his first born son to be a "third". But nature played a cruel joke on him and gave him twin sons. My parents figured it would be unfair to name one son with the same name of the father and the other with something else. Instead, my father got to pick the name for the eldest twin and my mother named the youngest twin. So my twin brother, being the eldest, got my father's middle name as well as his last name. My mother chose my first and middle names to sound "Scotch-Irish" as she puts it. So my middle name is Patrick, since the Kilpatrick name was to be no more. And now that I'm going to go with the Kilpatrick surname, it seems superfluous to have the middle name Patrick.

I asked my mother what she thought. She had an interesting idea. My grandfather, who I'm trying to honor here, was always known as "Pat", since his first and middle names were kind of strange. They just gave him a nickname from part of his surname. So I could keep Patrick as a middle name for that reason. Or, her other suggestion was to change my middle name to the Gaelic spelling of the name, Padraig. That way it's still essentially the same middle name I've always had, but doesn't look like a redundancy with my new surname. I kind of like that idea, so I will probably do that.

She also suggested that I could pick an entirely new middle name, but I'd rather not. My goal isn't to create a new name out of thin air, but for it to be meaningful from the family names. I may have to look back in the Kilpatrick family history and see if there are names there that I might consider as well. *shrug*

[Zardoz]

I say go for it. I'd think any of your reasons are sound, I know a fellow that did it for pretty much the same reasons about 20 years ago. I would be sure and find an attorney that handles that sort of thing to make sure you got it right the first time.