On changing one's name

**Tobus** · 12th February 10, 01:55 PM

I am thinking of changing my last name. And since this is a very rare thing for a man to do, I wonder what you think of the idea. Basically, I want to use this thread to gauge public opinion/reaction to it. Why am I telling a bunch of internet strangers this? Because it's not something that my real-life acquaintances need to know about yet.

A little background first.

I was born with my father's English surname. My mother's maiden name is Kilpatrick (sept of clan Colquhoun, according to the family oral history). My mother was an only child, and she is the last of the Kilpatrick line for this branch of the family. My two brothers and I all carry our father's name.

Not to divulge too much personal stuff, but basically my father is not the kind of person I admire. He and my mother divorced when I was 3 years old, and I was raised by my mother and her parents: the Kilpatrick side of the family. Even as an adult, I feel no kinship with my father. He was never a father to me in any sense of the word other than genetic, nor is he even the kind of man I want to associate with. He is in his 5th marriage now (if I've kept track properly) and I haven't spoken with him in years. Yet I carry his name.

When I was 18, I seriously considered changing my name to Kilpatrick. Not only as an affront to my father (which was very important to me at the time) but to honor the Kilpatricks who raised me, as they are the kind of people I would admire even if we weren't related. I also wanted to carry on the Kilpatrick family name rather than let it die out. I spoke with my mother and grandparents about it at the time, and the idea made them very happy and hopeful. But, for one reason or another, I didn't follow through with it.

I considered it again in my early 30s, when my maternal grandfather died. He was the last male Kilpatrick in this line. But again, for whatever reason, I did not follow through. But now I am thinking about it again, and seriously this time. I no longer feel any need to do it as a "screw you" gesture to my father; in fact, I probably wouldn't even bother to tell him. The only satisfaction I'd get on that end would be separating his name from my identity so I can be done with it for good. But my main motivation with respect to my mother's side of the family remains the same. I'd like to honor them and carry on the family name myself. I'll leave it to my brothers to carry on my father's name if they wish.

Now, I know that there is some precedent for this even in Scottish tradition where a child is adopted by his mother's clan, for example. But it's not the kind of thing that very many people do these days (not grown men, at least). I feel my reasons are proper; I've obviously not rushed into this decision, and I should have the right to choose my identity instead of being stuck with one I'm ashamed of. My wife is very supportive of it as well; she understands and agrees with my reasons. My mother and grandmother (the last two Kilpatricks) still support it as well.

The process of changing one's name seems simple enough: it's a matter of appearing at the county courthouse and signing some papers. If the judge has no reason to deny it, your name is changed. Then there's a lot of work in getting the rest of society to recognize the new name (for example I have engineering licenses in 7 states that I'd have to get changed, plus my driver's license and concealed handgun license). Bank accounts, employer, phone company, IRS, Social Security Administration, life insurance, health insurance, post office, magazine subscriptions, and about a thousand other organizations or entities. That seems daunting. But I think in the end it will be worth it.

But... is it weird for a man to change his name? Does it automatically give rise to suspicion of criminal activity or "witness protection" type drama if you don't know the whole back story? Does it come across as trying to be someone else instead of who you were born? I've thought about this thing for so many years now that I don't really know how 'normal' people see it. Would you do it in the same circumstance? Or do you think a man should always keep the name he was born with, no matter what?

**Jaggy thistle** · 12th February 10, 02:01 PM

Go for it it will be worth it in the end

**DougC** · 12th February 10, 02:15 PM

French Foreign Legion soldiers change there name all the time.

**azwildcat96** · 12th February 10, 02:28 PM

I've known two men that changed names later in life: one took his wifes surname when they were married, and the other took his mothers' maiden name. Both were for similar reasons to yours. So, it may be more common than you think.

**Jordan** · 12th February 10, 02:40 PM

Tobus, If you really want to change your name and you’ve thought it through and you’re doing it for the right reasons I would say go for it. I’m only 20 but i'm on my third surname (third time’s the charm!). And if your wife and anyone else if affects is happy I don’t see why not. As to people who don’t really need to know just say what I did that you got bored and fancied a change.

Changing drivers licences ECT they shouldn’t be too hard to do after you get the deed poll certificate
Jordan

**MacBean** · 12th February 10, 02:47 PM

I believe that anyone can change their surname when they get married without a special court appearance, though there are other forms to sign. This provision should allow men to change their name just as easily as it allows women to change names at that time. You aren't about to get married are you?

I'd say go for it; future genealogists will love you for the confusion! Think of it this way - surnames are a relatively new invention!

**MacBean** · 12th February 10, 02:48 PM

In my state, if a man changes his name, his children's surname also changes automatically if they are underage. (an example of some possible complexities)

**sydnie7** · 12th February 10, 02:52 PM

I've known one other adult male who had his name changed, and I find your thought process to be far superior to what I knew of his! I've also known folks to snivel about how having a particular name had somehow held them back in life, which I find ludicrous, but your motives seem pretty solid.

You will probably find the "social acceptance" part of it to be even more difficult than you imagine, but if it means as much to you as it obviously does -- do it. Especially if you feel it could become something that you look back on and say, "I wish I'd done that!"

**Tobus** · 12th February 10, 03:00 PM

Originally Posted by MacBean

I believe that anyone can change their surname when they get married without a special court appearance, though there are other forms to sign. This provision should allow men to change their name just as easily as it allows women to change names at that time. You aren't about to get married are you?

I'd say go for it; future genealogists will love you for the confusion! Think of it this way - surnames are a relatively new invention!

Heh, no, I'm not about to get married. I've been married to my wife now for 12 years and that isn't changing. She and I will go and get our names changed together.

In my state, if a man changes his name, his children's surname also changes automatically if they are underage. (an example of some possible complexities)

That shouldn't be a worry. I have no children of my own at this time. Just grown step-children who carry another name anyway.

**Manitoban Keith** · 12th February 10, 03:10 PM

If you feel that strongly, for such an extended period of time you should change it. You are who you feel you are. If you feel a strong bond to the Kilpatrick blood in your veins, go for it!

Just be prepared to do a lot of paperwork to change it, my wife hypenated her our surnames when we married last Sept, she finally finished the paperwork two weeks ago. Were in Canada though, so maybe the process is different down there!

Slainte
Veritas Vincit