No Kilts Allowed?

[Frank McGrath]

Mark's Mom.....Take a reporter from the local paper with you when you talk to the administration. And When asked what the reporter is doing there, just say, Positive reinforcement.

Or, get some of the other kids in Mark's class to wear kilts to prom.

[Mark's Mom]

Thank you Artifacer and Nighthawk for your support. I will be making the kilt in late February, so there is time to prepare for whatever is their decision. My first step may be to discuss it with the school psychologist who oversees Mark's Individualized Education Plan (I.E.P.) and is part of the district. He knows Mark well. There is a possibility that the local media may be covering Mark going to the prom because his 4 dates are wearing dresses that he is creating for them. One of the girl's Moms suggested this when we met a couple of months ago and she seems to have some connections. The media idea is sounding very good to me now.

[Whidbey78]

I wasn't kilted when I was in school, but did have to "argue" my way into a resaraunt once while kilted. I was trying to reason with the host, and while this was going on they asmitted a gentleman who was also violating their dress code, but was told it was an exception as "ethnic clothing." I had to resort to the "discrimination lawsuits are bad publicity for a business" route. I got to keep our reservations and I had one very tasty steak!

I think you are going about this the right way and I'm sure many here will back you as much as possible and practicable, myself included. Preparing a presentation of sorts is a good idea, and having examples of tasteful and well executed traditional highland dress will certainly help. I think photos of well known and respected celebrities will be very beneficial...Sean Connery, Prince Charles, etc.

I'm glad you're taking the time to prepare for a bit of a fight to make this happen, but have you actually contacted the administration yet? Simply asking a question they've never been asked may open the doors without any "bloodshed." I'm hoping it does.

[Mark's Mom]

WoW!! Thank you EVERYONE for giving me some great ideas! I'm the sort who likes to think things through and consider experienced opinions before I take on the district. I would like some California legal precedents to point to. The school is great. The kids and staff have been very good to Mark. The rules at school are strict against bullying and the general dress code is strict and enforced. (No low-hanging pants, no drug or alcohol ads on clothing, no bare midriffs or spaghetti straps or excessively short skirts.) These are things I have appreciated through the years of having 3 sons there. I would imagine some of the staff at the school level would probably like to make an exception--or clarification--to the rules as they might pertain to kilts, but experience has shown me that officials feel safer saying no to exceptions. With good documentation and proof of other rulings, I think it makes saying yes a lot easier for them.
Mark is not talking about wearing a formal kilt to the prom with the other kids, and yesterday I told him he needs to keep it quiet until I get things worked out. He asked for this kilt for Christmas, but not in time for me to make it. I have promised the kilt as his delayed Christmas gift and he is really excited about getting it! My grandmother was a MacDonald and Mark's Dad is a Hay. We are definitely of Scottish heritage and Mark is developing pride in that.

[AFS1970]

I too would be interested in reading the potentially kilt banning language. That coupled with any individual choices that might have violated that rule but were allowed could also be helpful. We all know that a Dashiki would probably not be banned, however until one is allowed in that point is largely irrelevant and bringing it up may paint you as racist in the eyes of the diversity minded officials you are trying to persuade.

You said his 4 dates? Did I read this correctly? I only ask because i have some experience in that being banned at a prom. In high school (many years ago at this point) three of us asked the same girl to the prom. We were all friends who hung out together. Her answer was to say yes to all of us and go with all three of us. The school told her in no uncertain terms that she was allowed only a single date and that such plans were simply not allowed. At the time there were no written rules to that effect. None of us ended up going to the prom that year.

I am also frequently on the side of better to ask forgiveness than permission, but in the case of a high school student, I would hate to see that work against him in that unlike some events proms generally have gate keepers who will deny entry at will. I would not want to see what should be an enjoyable night end poorly for your son. Good luck with your efforts.

[Biathlonman]

Hi Mark's Mom - This problem has real drama - and you've been given terrific advice by folks who've evidently thought hard about what to tell you.

Somehow I wonder if BRAVEHEART is shown on TV just a few days before the prom if this problem might disappear.

If you do meet with school administrators, and they continue to insist your son not wear a kilt, would you consider enlisting some sympathetic reporter to show up on Prom Night and tell your son to wear his kilt anyway?

Few people with any career ambitions will persist in a wrong-headed approach with the media looking on.

Regardless, we all sure want to know how this turns out. Good luck.

[Mark's Mom]

This link goes to the prom dress code for 2010. I don't think the 2011 contract has been released yet.
http://www.svusd.k12.ca.us/schools/m...oncontract.pdf

Again, I have not approached the school yet, but I want to be fully prepared before I do.

[Dixiecat]

Holy Cow! That's the contract? Good job school!

[ForresterModern]

Pretty thorough job of developing the contract, although some of the language in places is conflicting. It clearly states slacks for males, and also that any anticipated dress that might violate the rules needs to be cleared in advance by Dr Caroll or Mr Biggs. Seems like that is the place to go with all your supporting documents, and request a specifically written ruling or exception be provided to you and signed by the appropriate deciding authorities on official school or board letterhead---this will be helpful the night of prom if he is allowed to go and there is some other chaperone at the door who might not be aware of his special ruling, as well as usefull if you have to go the legal or media route.

You might want to start to be prepared for disappointment---places who have done this much preparation with a contract for the event have generally done their background work to support their positions, and tend to not be flexible, as flexibility for one opens the door to others to test the limits of that flexibility. I still believe your son should be able to go to the event kilted, just playing devil's advocate should the wall go up fast, high, and thick against you. If not allowed to go to the prom kilted send him in p@nts, then on another night you could always plan some sort of similar but smaller formal gathering of his friends on your own terms---a kilt coming out party of sorts--for graduation or some other celebratory event where he can come kilted, and hey, maybe even his friends could rent kilts for the night. Rent a room at a local restaurant for a nice dinner and DJ'd dancing under parental chaperoning with similar restrictions to the contract for prom. Someone's big back yard with catered hors d'ourves and an outdoor dance floor, or dancing on the driveway. Just a fall back thought should things not go your /his way.

Another thought to further the kilt support might be to have his date/dates wear matching tartan sashes or even tartan dresses as part of their ensemble---shame to let the girls wear tartan but not your son.

Either way we are in your corner in any way we can help. It is a good thing that you are starting now and have lots of time to work through the process and be settled with the outcome either way, well before the event itself.

[troxel87]

From a personal interpretation:

"Must wear collared shirts, slacks and tie apparel."

I mentally highlighted the term "apparel", meaning the equivalent thereof. Seeing as how the kilt (when properly worn for such functions) is a very classy, sharp and unique outfit, I couldn't imagine that they would turn him away.

But, being the bureaucracy that most school administrations have become, I would follow the advice so sagely imparted by others here. Be prepared, talk to the administration, follow a logical defense, so on and so forth.

That is just my two cents.