A few years back I adapted a piece of literature for the stage intended to break some of the barriers which seemed to be growing between our two North American countries. In it was a scene describing the Canadian 'Revolution'. It is written in a character voice with some panache, but the details are all true. Articles like this remind me of this labour and I share it here now for your enjoyment.

Mr. Allyson:

In Toronto in 1837 a bunch of revolutionaries wanted to break the back of the ruling elite who were nothing but a bunch of idiots with no more talent than the ability to inherit money and power. The revolutionaries were organized, democratic and drunk, and they let William Lyon Mackenzie be their representative. Mackenzie was a newspaper editor and knew how to get the word out so they figured he was a good choice. I guess he must have been since there was a lot more going on in Quebec at the same time with a lot more people involved, but nobody but Quebec remembers any of it. All anybody talks about is the Mackenzie Rebellion.

After meeting for drinks at Montgomery’s Tavern on Yonge Street 8km north of Toronto, about seven or eight hundred farmers armed with muskets and pitchforks marched south to take over parliament, but were ambushed at College Street by Sheriff Jarvis and 27 men hiding in Mrs. Sharpe's vegetable garden. The drunk rebels all ran away. One guy died.

In the meantime came the war of 1812, during which Canadians sided with the British being still mostly British themselves. The Americans invaded Canada so Canada invaded the U.S., capturing considerable American territory, including Detroit City. We burned up the White House then too. That’s why it’s called the White House, because they had to paint it to hide all the scorch marks. It used to be pink before. … You’ve got Canada to thank for that. … They don’t tell you that in your history classes do they?

The American’s burned down most of Toronto ‘round about the same time so everything was even-Steven except it was called York then. They were looking for a new name so as not to confuse it with the old York but they couldn’t call it New York because that name was already taken. So they called it Toronto which is another native word for something or other.

The war gradually petered out into protracted negotiations when the opposing armies couldn’t find each other any more and the matter was finally settled after the Americans caved in and agreed to take back Detroit. The Canadians tried to get them to take Sarnia, too, but it didn’t stick.