Humorous comebacks and snappy retorts here please

**Really a McQueen** · 9th May 11, 06:06 PM

Well, the comeback wasn't from me. Background: I was riding my bicycle in Portland, Oregon, while kilted. I was stopped for a (female) traffic flagger. A woman in a car wolf whistled at me and yelled "NICE KILT". The flagger's response was "usually I'm the one getting the wolf whistles".

**jgcunningham** · 9th May 11, 08:09 PM

"As a matter of fact, I do need more room."

**Riverkilt** · 9th May 11, 09:03 PM

A few of my favorites, not mine

If I wanted to dress like a woman, I'd wear pants.

My balls made parole.

When asked, 'Aren't you cold?' Nope, I've got a heater under there.

I'm a porn star - I need the room.

**Whidbey78** · 9th May 11, 10:26 PM

Q: "What's under the kilt?"
A: "If you promise to kiss it I'll show ya."

Q: "Where are your bagpipes?"
A: "Under the kilt. Want to try them?"

Q: "Why are you wearing a kilt?"
A: "Because your Mom likes it."

Q: "Where are your bagpipes?"
A: "Confiscated by airport security."

Q: "I thought a person had to actually be from Scotland to wear a kilt."
A: "I thought a person couldn't talk when brain dead, but apparently we're both wrong."

Q: "You can't wear a kilt. You're not Scottish."
A: (Run around waving your arms frantically) "THE DILITHIUM CRYSTALS ARE FRACTURING!!! SHE CANNA TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS CAP'N!!! Is that Scottish enough for ya?"
Note: While people will usually leave you alone after doing this, it is not recommended that this be done at solemn occasions.

Q: "What do you have on under the kilt?"
A: "Hair. Lots and lots of hair."

Q: "How do you pee in a kilt?"
A: "I don't. I pee in the urinal."

Q: "Is it hard to go to the bathroom in a kilt?"
A: "It depends on what your Mom made me for breakfast."

Q: "What's under your kilt?"
A: "Secret."
Q: "It's a secret?"
A: "No, I call it 'Secret' because it's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman."

Q: "I love a man in a kilt!"
A: "Prove it."

**AKScott** · 9th May 11, 10:51 PM

At a largish party, in response to a boorish remark (again not mine, one I found here in another thread), the kilt wearer might respond, loudly and jovially:

"You must be that guy everyone is talking about. Delighted to meet you, That Guy."

**Kilted Jeeper** · 10th May 11, 05:49 AM

Q: "What's under your kilt?"
A: "Secret."
Q: "It's a secret?"
A: "No, I call it 'Secret' because it's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman."

I think this is my new favorite!!!!

**Slowburn** · 10th May 11, 07:43 AM

Originally Posted by Woodsman

I really like this one. But I was wondering what the response is by the inquisitive female. Sounds like an open invitation.

I used this the first night out in the kilt and was taken up on my offer, by a lady I had never met.

**Bill aka Mole** · 10th May 11, 10:25 PM

Q: Do you play the pipes?
A: Nope. I like my neighbors too much.

Q: Are you wearing your kilt like a true Scotsman?
A: Sure am! I wrap it around the waist and the pleats stay in the back.

Q: What do you wear under your kilt?
A1: Hose, shoes and talc.
A2: On a good day, perfume. On a great day, lipstick!
A3: I could show you but you'd just laugh.

Q: Why are you wearing a kilt today?
A1: I was told I'd be arrested if I didn't.
A2: Because some one has to show some leg today. (To a snooty lady cheerleading coach wearing sweats at our local coffee shop)
A3: Too many guys are wearing shorts.
A4: I like to challenge the pick pockets.