Coming Soon To A Mailbox Near You
Written by Kelly Lockhart
Wednesday, 13 August 2008 19:40
Are you ready to embrace kilt fashion?
For centuries, one of the burning questions gripping the minds of millions around the world has been, “What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?” In the not too distant future, the new question may be, “What does a mailman wear under his kilt?”
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Peterson took the defeat in stride, and cheerfully says he will continue pushing his crusade and plans to present a new resolution for pantsless comfort at the next national convention in 2010.
While this may seem like an amusingly quixotic crusade by a slightly unbalanced letter carrier on the other side of the country,
kilts are indeed making fashion inroads into modern American society. Companies like Utilikilts and Sport Kilt have designed modern kilts that bear only a passing resemblance to the tartans of Scottish clans. They have pockets and belt loops and are made out of materials ranging from canvas to denim to leather. Richard Hatch, the winner of the very first “Survivor” program, proudly wore a Utilikilt when he could be convinced to wear anything at all, which was disturbingly rare.
Many Chattanoogans have embraced the new fashion, as well. While it will probably be a very long time before you ever see a politician or police officer (or even a letter carrier) sporting a kilt as they go about their business, many local men have taken to wearing them to concerts and local science conventions. Dozens of men of all ages (and sizes) were spotted wearing a “Male Unbifurcated Garment” at this year’s Chattacon, the city’s oldest and largest science fiction gathering. A mercifully unidentified member of The Pulse editorial staff has also been known to embrace his legitimate Scottish heritage and bare his legs for comfort and fashion.
But before you rush out and buy one for yourself, there are several pieces of advice that need to be passed along. First, expect to be stared at. Second, have a talk with your wife or girlfriend of even your mother about the art of sitting and standing while wearing a skirt. Women learn this at a very early age, but an inexperienced male can easily and unknowingly create visual havoc on those around him. Third, learn to sit with your legs close together at all times. This is an imperative, and for best results, should be practiced at home in front of a mirror before going out in public.
The most important bit of advice, though, is how to answer the inevitable question. There are many different answers, ranging from the humorous (“my socks”) to the boastful (“a blue ribbon”) but to truly wear a kilt with pride and confidence, you have to have selected and practiced your answer well in advance. Which may be the main reason that Dean Peterson will never achieve his goal of postal fashion freedom, for if he has to stop and answer the same question at every house on his route, your mail may never arrive.
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