Celebrating The Loss Of A Loved One

[funlvnman]

There have been quite a few threads lately regarding the loss of a cherished family member. I'm hoping the rabble can help me understand some things. I've recently had to say goodbye to more loved ones than I would have liked to, but sadly I don't get to make the rules.

During my college years, back when my pants fit and I had all my hair( sarcasm is my way of dealing with difficult topics), I had a professor of English who made the statement that he greatly admired the Irish people. Well since my last name is Quinn and I'm reasonably proud of my Irish heritage, my ears perked up. He said that the reason he admired the Irish people is that they didn't mourn the death of a loved one, but rather they celebrated the ascension of a loved one into the next phase of life. And while doing so, they celebrated the earthly life of their loved one as well.

I personally embrace this point of view and use it to help me through hard times. Does anyone know if this is a true aspect of Irish culture? What is your point of view on death? We can't stop it, we might as well make the best of it. Or as my Father used to say. "Noone gets out this world alive."

My heart goes out to all who've lost a family member lately.
Thanks for listening
Rich

[Southern Breeze]

Should we grieve the loss of a loved on or celebrate their life- both in my opinion.
To heal from the loss of a loved one we must allow ourselves to grieve. To forbid grieving is to forbid our humanity. This is the only way to healing otherwise one remains stuck. However, it is also a time to celebrate. So, it is both. If people love you, they can't help but mourn your loss while at the same time celebrating the gift you were to them.

[Larry124]

Should we grieve the loss of a loved on or celebrate their life- both in my opinion.
To heal from the loss of a loved one we must allow ourselves to grieve. To forbid grieving is to forbid our humanity. This is the only way to healing otherwise one remains stuck. However, it is also a time to celebrate. So, it is both. If people love you, they can't help but mourn your loss while at the same time celebrating the gift you were to them.

My father is near to his end. Good post.

[Riverkilt]

Somewhere along the line I was tought to touch the hands of the dead. That has been a gift. Easy to do at an open casket viewing or funeral. Maybe its my imagination but I'll take that placebo. Its brought me peace with my little brother's passing and others I've admired and respected. I was fortunate to hold my mother's hand while she died.

I also believe folks can call upon the spirit, or memories, of folks gone on as a sounding board...sort of like "What would Winston Churchill have done in this situation?" Why not, "What would Uncle Fred do in this situation?"

Death is scary because it reminds me my time will come too. Ask not for whom the bell tolls....

Can't recall the lady's name who said something to the effect of, "What a brave thing it is to love something you know will die." Meaning pets, but applies to two leggeds too.

And grief is something you just gotta do. You can't pray away grief, you can't drink away grief, you can't work the 12 steps on grief. You just gotta do your grief...when you're laying on the floor in the fetal position crying from deep in your soul then you're doing your grief work.

And for sure, honoring the life of the deceased.

Ron

[Jock Scot]

My word! There is some sense in this thread. Thanks.

[Ruanaidh]

There are many ways of working through grief. Irish wakes back in the day were a thing to behold. When I was young I heard the story of when my great grandfather died my uncles tried to talk the priest into postponing the funeral for an extra day because the wake was going so well. The old French monsignor would not hear of it. Many an Irish child was born nine months after the death of a relative.

[heartofglass]

I mourn my loved ones, but also honor them by remembering the good times.

I also know that they are in a far better place than I am, where there is no pain or sorrow.

[Cat]

Should we grieve the loss of a loved on or celebrate their life- both in my opinion. To heal from the loss of a loved one we must allow ourselves to grieve. To forbid grieving is to forbid our humanity. This is the only way to healing otherwise one remains stuck. However, it is also a time to celebrate. So, it is both. If people love you, they can't help but mourn your loss while at the same time celebrating the gift you were to them.

In an attempt to answer without getting into "locked thread" territory...I feel that, ultimately, celebrating your lost loved one's life (whether a two-legged or four-legged family member) is far more comforting and meaningful than pining over their loss and missing them. Don't get me wrong, grieving and wishing they were still here is perfectly normal and something almost every mammal on the planet does, and nobody should ever feel guilty about that (after all, my grandmother died over 10 years ago, but I still have moments that I really wish she was still here! She was a diabetic with dozens of health problems, and I know that she's not in pain anymore, and I wouldn't want her to have to go through what she did when she was alive...but I still miss her!) We all go through that at some point in our lives, usually several times at least. But it still remains that we all have a limited time in this life, and I've found that it's much more comforting knowing that we'll all be at peace when our time comes. No matter what your faith is, or lack thereof, I believe that if you lived a good life, your death is not in vain, no matter what happens after we're gone. If you influenced someone positively or made someone happy, if you treated them with respect and were a good person (or doggie, or kitty or whatever), your life should be celebrated. Of course that life and those experiences will be missed, but if you made someone elses' life better, your life was not in vain and ultimately you served your purpose...to make the life or lives of those who loved you just that much better.

[Livingston]

On my Mothers side of the family, all of my generation has gotten together to celebrate the life of the parent/aunt/uncle that has passed. We have a favorite bar near the Milan, IL, airport that we go to and sit, talk, drink, reminise and just generally have a good time. We also go to the service and cry our eyes out. We've done this for each of my Mom's brothers, her sister and their spouces except for one Aunt who is still will us. And we will do this for her and my parents when their time comes.