This one got a big laugh at a local Burns Dinner:

A Scottish lottery starts up and one old Scotsman sets out to win it. He starts a strict practice of going to the local kirk on nights when it's empty and praying hard for a lottery win. He explains why he needs it and what good he will do with the money.

During the first month, he's confident, over the next few months less so. But finally, after a year has gone by, he has gone beyond doubt and begins to despair. Finally one night he cries aloud "Oh Lord, why are ye no sending me the financial help I'm asking?"

And then there's a flash of lightning and a clap of thunder and a booming voice rings out" "Angus, you have to work with me here. Buy a ticket!"